“Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease…”

I’ve been missing in action. I haven’t posted for a while. Partly because I’ve been busy lately with a little miracle Allah sent our way alhamdulillah and a few other projects. But partly, also, because I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to post about this. My views on sharing things about my personal life have changed quite a lot over the past few years. I prefer keeping things more to myself now, but I also wanted others to get hope from my story – to get strength and to know that whatever difficulty you are going through right now, Allah will get you out of it, you will inshaAllah see the other side and then, your heart will be ever more grateful.

I remember the day I lost my baby girl quite vividly and the whirlwind of emotions I experienced in the days following that – the feelings of extreme loss, the pain, the confusion, the doubts, the questions and the fears. The fears about how I would ever get through the days and years ahead. Fears about any subsequent pregnancies, the strong desire to bring home a healthy baby but the fear of ever having to go through something like this again, the fear of driving myself crazy in subsequent pregnancies with questions and anxieties, the fear of all that could possibly go wrong. I remember those feelings quite vividly. All of it. But I also remember working on dealing with those anxieties and working on strengthening my faith so those fears, questions and doubts wouldn’t be able to find home in my heart.

It is natural to feel afraid. It is natural to have those fears, questions and doubts. It would be unrealistic to say you wouldn’t ever feel those fears. Because you know what? Those are part of the test Allah promises us. But Allah also promises us ease after (and with) difficulty. Allah also promises us a reward for patience. Allah also promises a reward for trusting Him. And it is all that that kept me going. I worked on strengthening my trust in Allah and my belief in Qadar (Divine Decree) during those difficult days. I listened to lectures, read articles and books and talked to people. And it was only that, that helped me get through those days and the year ahead and the subsequent pregnancy and delivery. Alhamdulillah.

Allah truly does send ease after difficulty and I couldn’t believe in this more than I do now. The little miracle Allah sent us after our storm is truly an ease from Allah in many ways. He has brought blessings, gratitude, strength of Iman and yusr (ease) into our lives. I thought it would be more difficult for me the more pregnancies I went through but I have learned it really lies only in Allah’s hand. Allah made this one so much easier than the others and Allah sent this little gift as our little yusr (ease) after our usr (hardship). I can be pretty anxious during my pregnancies and I was afraid of driving myself crazy during the pregnancy and birth after my stillbirth experience. But it was a miracle how Allah calmed my fears and strengthened my heart with His reminders. Alhamdulillah.

“For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94: 5-6)

Never underestimate the power of dua and never think things will always be difficult just because that seems to be the logical expectation after certain things happen in your life. Conversely, never think things will be easy and uncomplicated, just because they have always been easy and uncomplicated. It all comes from Allah. He has the power to make the difficult easy, and the complicated, uncomplicated. If He can cool the fire for Ibrahim (a.s.), He can make ease and peace for you even in the midst of apparent difficulties.

Getting through the storm of the previous year has helped me be so much more grateful for the little eases that we experience in our daily lives, things we often take for granted. I feel like I can appreciate both the good times and the hard times of parenting a baby much more now than I would have earlier. I am much more grateful for the little blessings and can overlook the difficult parts than I would have had I not been through the earlier experience. I have my ups and downs. I still do lose my cool. I still do have those moments of desperation of just hoping for ‘a few minutes of peaceful silence’ or an ‘uninterupted hot meal’ but alhamdulillah I am so much more grateful for my little blessings now. I love my little gift to bits and I often find myself wondering about all the little things that are miraculous about him, alhamdulillah.

Don’t ever think that it is difficult to have your own miracle in life, whatever it is for you. Nothing is impossible for Allah. He will send you ease after whatever hardship you are experiencing. He will make things possible that didn’t seem possible to you. He can make it happen and He can make it easy.

Just open your hands and your heart.

“There is no joy for the one who does not bear sadness, there is no sweetness for the one who does not have patience, there is no delight for the one who does not suffer, and there is no relaxation for the one who does not endure fatigue.” – Ibn Al Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

“It is from Allah’s mercy that He gave us both struggle and rest, both love and loss, both pain and pleasure, both night and day. Without one, we would not be able to fully recognize, appreciate or experience the other.” – Yasmin Mogahed

How apt that my last post was about the promise of a rainbow after a storm.